Confession of a 'negative voice fighter'

Your negative self talk is a covered up attempt at protecting you from something you don't need protection from... let me explain...

If you know me, you know that my main mission in life is to let everyone know how damaging our negative self talk is, and how it is holding us back from having the life we want, simply by telling us a lot of elaborative lies.

I always tell people: 'your negative voice doesn't know anything about you! It doesn't really know you are going to fail, or that, compared to others, you are the least qualified! It doesn't know, but because it still believes its job is to protect and preserve you, it is doing its hardest to keep you from venturing out'.

So far so good, right? Yep! Because that is how things are. We get sucked into the cycle of negative self conversations, and if we're also not feeling all that confident about something that is about to happen, we allow this voice to win, and we find ourselves saying 'oh, I didn't really want to do this thing anyway...'. Truth is, this cycle is what keeps us wanting and not doing, and many years can pass before we finally decide that enough is enough.

So, what all that about a confession?

Well.. I do have to confess and mention that the negative voice is not all that bad. Yes, it's not best if it keeps you from doing what you want, but the way to utilise your negative voice is to understand what it is its trying to protect you from! Not so that you 'don't do it', but so that you can come prepared, having received the message about what is really scaring you.

Let's look at an example:

Say you are thinking of submitting a proposal to an important magazine with an idea for an article. My hunch is that nearly as soon as you're done thinking this, a whole negative conversation erupts in your mind and now you are busy telling yourself things like:

- who am I to submit an idea to this magazine?

- I don't have any experience and the other writers are already well known

- They'll probably reject me and then write a whole new piece on the rubbish quality of the proposals they get, probably mentioning my name too...

- I'm not ready...

If this is a usual scenario, then soon after you will either talk yourself out of submitting the idea, or, you will procrastinate for a while until you actually forget all about it. In some cases, of course, you might submit it and then fully prepare for the upcoming rejection.


What I want to tell you is that you do have another option, and it is to... put your emotions and fears to one side for a moment, and look at the messages as they are: maybe it's an opportunity to read through your text again and make sure you cover all the required information, that your style matches that of the magazine, that you've re-read your work and confident you are able to defend it if anyone picks it up. Maybe it's about recognising you are scared the proposal WILL be accepted, and what would that mean about you? Will you have to write more? Will someone you know read it and judge you? Maybe it's something to do with a hobby of yours and having it out in the open will mean unwanted attention?

Do you see that by parking the fears, emotions and negative conversation, all of a sudden you have direct communication channel to things you can either go back and double check, OR, you can spend some more time figuring out what is the objective fear you are feeling. NOT the over-the-top one that is holding you back, but the one that once addressed, will help you know exactly what you aught to do next.

Good luck!

(And) if you want to talk with me more specifically about your fears or what is holding you back, my calendar link is right here - feel free to use it :)