Why 'being you' is better than 'being liked'

Learn to shift your focus from 'what they say' to 'what I know is right for me'!

While 'wanting to be liked' has probably started back when we were still on the savanna; in times when 'not being liked' could mean our banishment from the tribe with little chances of surviving on our own, NEEDING to be liked is a whole different kettle of fish.

The NEED to be liked has probably started for you a long time ago. before the age of 9, which is when the part of your brain that is capable of making connection is developed. Prior to age 9, when something happens to us that is painful, we find a way to deal with the pain, even if we are unable to understand what caused it and what we can really do with it. That's when we create coping mechanism that stay with us forever. Or at least until we start questioning why we're doing the crazy things we do!

So imagine that at the age of 4 you do something and the feedback you get from mum, dad or someone else you care about, is that this was not a good thing to do. Maybe their anger is so fierce, that you create a way to protect yourself. You create a mask. A persona. Someone that you now use to deal with people and handle situations on your behalf. It means that whatever happens, good or bad, it is not really you that is in the limelight, but rather the new persona. You've created a way to protect yourself.

What you don't really understand at that point is that people are able to see through the persona. They don't see YOU as such, they see that they are interacting with someone who is not true to themselves, It makes them feel they can't trust you. Not really.

And you, on the other hand, really craving people's attention. The 'wanting' to be liked changes to 'needing' to be liked and you find yourself getting out of your way to get this 'positive attention'. You do so by saying 'yes' whenever possible. You're creating an environment where people who until now didn't show interest, are now paying attention, even if for the wrong reasons...

But... understanding how you got to where you are now is only half the battle. What can you do to change is maybe more relevant.

Steps to consider:
1. Recognise you say 'yes' even when you really want to say 'no'.

2. The next time you are asked to do something or be someone you are not, ask yourself - what are the reasons I want to say yes? If it's something you enjoy, see values in doing, or care about - go ahead. If it isn't, remind yourself that saying yes in the hope of being liked will give you the exact opposite result.

3. People often don't like people who say 'yes' when they should say no. People like people when they recognise they are true to themselves. When you show your true self, that's when people like you for who you are.

4. Remind yourself that you no longer need to hide behind a persona or a mask. You are older and wiser and can handle more now than you could when you were small. It's time to shed the layers and meet your real you.

5. Not all people are worth pleasing. You learn that too when you become you again. You have power and a voice. It's up to you how and who to use them with.

To summaries:
When you operate from behind a mask, people don't see you and can't trust you. You then create 'pleasing' behaviours that actually don't give you the results you want.
When you learn to shed the mask and be true to yourself, that's when you gain people's like, respect and trust.

Now that you know, please be you. You are truly awesome. And one of a kind.