Why fear is both good and bad

Fear can be a stoping point, or it can be a driver to get up and do. It's your choice, but let's make it an informed one!

What are you scared of? If I asked you to write down 3 things you fear most, how easy or difficult will you find this task?

Will you think of things like spider? Flying? Maybe dying?

And what kind of fears would you say these are? The kind that is triggered upon action? Or maybe the kind that keeps you awake at night?

When I was studying for my 'master practitioner of NLP' certificate I learnt that the correct term is not 'have fear' but rather, 'do fear'... meaning that this is not something we experience all the time, but rather know when to bring it on...

The fear I am more interested in discussing here is the type you are usually not even aware of. It's the kind that wakes up when you've been trying to achieve a dream, maybe start a new business, lose weight, start a conversation with someone you like...

When you want something and it isn't happening, you might be better off asking yourself - what is it that I am scared of here? What would happen if I did? What would happen if I didn't? What wouldn't happen if I did? What wouldn't happen if I didn't?

By asking yourself these questions, you are helping yourself uncover your 'secondary gain': that's the thing you care about so much that protecting it is more important than actually making it happen!

I'll give you an example: One of my clients had a dream of starting a new business. She's been dreaming about it for ages and she had everything going for her in terms of making it happen! She had experience, knowledge, connections, talent and still, she was unable to even get it to lift off..

In our session I asked her - "what are you protecting?" She obviously wasn't able to answer (as this is mostly an unconscious thing) and so we started a deep conversation unearthing her motives.

And all of a sudden, just like that, we had it! As soon as she said it we both knew that this was it! She had a limiting belief that if she started her own business she will have to be so busy that she will not have enough time to spend with her kids!

And now that she had this limiting belief and fear out in the open, she was able to agree with herself her new working hours and patterns and also have it at the top of her mind that she always wants to put her kids first, in a way having a natural 'stop mechanism' to ensure she doesn't create the reality that scared her.

In no time at all she started her own business. She keeps her working hours to the time the kids are at school and again in the evening once they are in bed. She feels amazing about herself and is also happy about the message she is giving the kids: that her dreams are important too and that so are they!

See what I mean? Fears are 'bad' because they keep you from doing things, but they are also good because they highlight stuff that is truly important to you and once unearthed, you are able to move forward in a way that is congruent to you!

Care to share your fears? Or would you like to figure out why something you want so much doesn't even get close to achieving? If you'd like to figure all this together then get in touch! You'll be amazed what you unearth once you start digging :)